Posted by rfathers on January 20, 2010
As Joshua prepared the people of Israel for his own death, he brought them together to recount to them the goodness of God and how God had kept them over the years. He charged the people to make a deliberate decision to serve the Lord. Joshua gave them a choice to serve the gods of Abraham’s ancestors, the gods of Egypt, the gods of the Amorites or the one true God Jehovah.
Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD.
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.
But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:14-15 NIV)
Joshua spoke on behalf of his household as leader and priest of his family. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Every man, husband and father needs to make this same declaration today – if you have not done so already – that your household will serve the Lord.
Apparently, even at the point when Joshua was near his own end, about 50 years after coming into the Promised Land there was still a problem with false gods in Israel. In verse 23 of Joshua 24, He told the people to put away … the strange gods which are among you, and incline your heart unto the LORD God of Israel.
This shows that idolatry was still an issue among the Israelites even years after leaving Egypt and after the old generation of fighting men had been consumed in the dessert. Was this a prime reason why the old generation of fighting men refused to take the Promised Land that God had promised them? Were they powerless to fight because they were not serving the Lord?
Idolatry never stops being an issue because the enemy never stops trying to separate us from God. But also, as long as we are in the world we will have outside influences that help to make false gods look attractive. That is why God had laws against the marrying non-believers (Deuteronomy 7:3; 2 Kings 11:2) because they could entice us to follow other gods. And that is why the Apostle Paul told us:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV)
We must protect what God has given to us and be sure not to entertain that which can set us against God.
There are still false gods – even among Christians today – that need to be weeded out. That is why every man needs to be a priest in their own household and proclaim that as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
What is the Role of a Priest In the Home?
- First off the man in responsible for his own salvation. That is, he is responsible to submit to God and to serve God.
- Second, the man, husband, father is responsible to lead the members of his household in receiving the Lord the Jesus Christ as their personal savior. Yes, only the Holy Spirit can do the saving – but, the man, husband, father must follow the Lord and create an atmosphere where each individual has the opportunity to come to the Lord.
- Third, the man, husband, father is responsible for creating the atmosphere where everyone has the opportunity to develop in their walk with the Lord. Yes, everyone is responsible for their own submission to the Lord, but the man should set the tone. Active family involvement in prayer and the study of God’s word is only the first step. This must be followed by careful regulation of outside and un-Godly influences being present in the home. Jesus made it clear, either you serve God – or you don’t (Matthew 6:24).
Are you a priest in your home? If not, are you ready to move to that level?
Let us know how this post impacts you. Please give us your comments below.
This is the last of seven posts on the Characteristics of the New Generation of Fighting Men.
In our next post we will begin a new series of seven entries on the Characteristics of the Fighting Army. You might ask, “What is the difference?” In the first series on the Fight Men we looked at what each man is individually responsible for while the series on the Fighting Army will talk about the structure, organization and approach of the Army as a whole – as an institution – and how it facilitates for the development of the men and the nation.
Please tell others about this important series on God Is Calling for a New Generation of Fighting Men.
Posted by rfathers on June 30, 2009
Today I had the occasion to look for help for a friend who had a question about his son’s behavior. I was again lead to a website that has a wealth of information for parents who are looking for answers. That website is the American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry, www.aacap.org.
The American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry website has a convenient list of almost 100 questionable behaviors and issues of concern in their Fact for Families section. They feature explanations about signs to look for, details about normal behavior, suggestions for further reading, some videos, recommended steps to take, and other helpful information for inquiring parents.
I recommend using this resources to help you answer questions about your children and about where and how to find help when the questions arise Facts for Families – Alphabetical Listing. The website also features a host of other resources, links, papers, books and referrals that are helpful for families and professionals.
Posted by rfathers on May 15, 2009
Well, the books are finally available and we are giving them away at huge discounts. This was a one-and-a-half year project to research, write and critique this book with a focus group – then – over the last three months I have worked on nothing but finishing re-writing this book, getting it formatted and printed. But now, the 178 page paperback book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter: Examples of Godly Fatherhood is available at: www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com.
Joseph the Carpenter was a great man of faith and is a perfect role-model for 21st century fathers, one that is sorely needed at this time when fatherhood has been under attack and divorce amongst Christians is as prevalent as non-Christians.
What Role Did Joseph Have in Jesus’ Life?
As the earthly father to Jesus Christ, Joseph was a Godly man, a man of character, a loving husband, a family man, a teacher, a provider and a protector. In short, Joseph was a purpose-driven servant of God.
What Is the Book All About?
Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter is a challenging and exciting new motivational book for Fathers with ground-breaking analysis of the scant scriptures on this Great Man of Faith. It helps men gain a heightened understanding of Joseph’s history and education. It brings to life how he taught and coached the boy Jesus (like Eli did for Samuel). It presents eye-opening accounts of the Jewish background for many Biblical scenes. It provides seven uplifting principles that fathers and husbands can implement right now.
Who Wrote the Book?
The author, Akili Kumasi, attends church in Queens, New York. He is a devoted father of two young men and two daughters, a former college instructor and the author/editor of twelve books including four fatherhood books. Akili is the founder of the Reconciled Fathers Network, a ministry that helps separated-fathers become good and Godly parents (www.rFathers.Net).
Print a free copy of Chapter One
How Can You Get More Information?
Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter is available now at www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com. Wholesale distribution is available at: Get Wholesale Prices.
Posted by rfathers on February 13, 2009
Below is a draft list for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups. Please make suggestions for other books that can be included.
Initially, a Focus Group would read the first book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.
Second, one book (choosen by the group) from each of the remaining categories (2 through 9) would be read – in order.
Third, after completion of the one book from each category, the group would start again with another book from each of the categories. This would continue for three rounds, until all the books have been read and discussed in the focus group.
Fourth, we will be adding more material as we continue to develop the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.
Thank you.
Akili Kumasi
Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group Book List
- Joseph the Carpenter
- Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter, Akili Kumasi
- Be A Godly Man
- Maximized Manhood, Edwin Louis Cole
- Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes
- The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, Patrick Morley
- Be A Man of Character
- No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You to Be, Tony Evans
- Every Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
- The Character of a Man: Reflecting the Image of Jesus, Bruce Marchiano
- Be a Loving Husband
- An Outrageous Commitment, Ron Elmore
- Communication, Sex and Money, Edwin Louis Cole
- Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman
- Be a Family Man
- Straight Talk to Men: Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family, James Dobson
- Developing a Servant’s Heart, Charles F. Stanley
- Accountable to God: Biblical Stewardship, Mike Whitmore
- Be a Teacher
- The Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson
- Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World, Vicki Courtney
- Fathers & Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones, David Barrett & Elysse Barrett
- Be a Provider
- Knowing the Economy of God, Thomas Meaglia
- Personal Finances, Larry Burkett
- Money Life Basics-Marriage & Children, Crown Financial Ministries
- Be a Protector
- Blessing of A Father, Randy Brown
- The Power of a Praying Parent, Stormie Omartian
- Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture, Mark Gregston
- The Purpose Driven Father
- The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren
- Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, Myles Munroe
- Husbands & Fathers: Rediscover the Creator’s Purpose for Men, Derek Prince
Print a copy of the book list: Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group book List.
See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area. Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.
Akili Kumasi
rFathers.Net
Posted by rfathers on January 21, 2009
The Bible teaches us that:
Death and life are in the power of the tongue… (Proverbs 18:21 KJV)
This is very important because we have to be careful about the words that we speak over our children.
For example, have you ever heard a parent say that her child is “shy” or maybe you have heard a mother call her son “devilish”? Well guess what, the more we emphasize the negative, the more we could be programming (or cursing) our child to be that way.
The reverse of this is also true. That is why motivational speakers consistently teach that we should “confess” what we want. If we encourage our children and emphasis their good points (instead of what we don’t like about them or their behavior), the more we could be helping them to develop a positive self-esteem and healthy self-confidence.
I believe this is one of the reason why God told us that we were made in His likeness:
Then God said, ?Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.? (Genesis 1:26 NIV)
God wants us to see ourselves as rulers in His own image. He knows that the devil comes to tell us all sorts of lies about who we are what we can do. But, if we listen to God then we will see ourselves in a much more positive light and will thus strive for the better life.
This is true of our children as well. The more we paint a picture of success and strength, the more our children will see themselves in that light.
An article on the Child Development Institute’s website “Helping Your Child Develop Self-Esteem says:
Parents, more than anyone else can promote their child’s self-esteem. It isn’t a particularly difficult thing to do. In fact, most parents do it without even realizing that their words and actions have great impact on how their child or teenager feels about himself.*
The article entitled also gave the folllowing suggestions:
- When you feel good about your child, mention it to him.
- Be generous with praise.
- Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements.
- Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame.
- Teach your child about decision-making and to recognize when he has made a good decision.
- Develop a positive approach to providing structure for your child.
The Child Development Institute’s article also provided 10 additional steps you can take to help your child develop a positive self-image.
_______________________
* Myers, Robert (Editor). (December 18, 1999) “Helping Your Child Develop Self-Esteem,” Child Development Institute (Accessed Janaury 21, 2009).
The Child Development Insititute also has a great deal more information for parents on parenting, psychology, child development, education, health, safety, families, the arts and more. Visit their website: Child Development Institute.
Posted by rfathers on
On the Outside Looking In:
Hope for Separated Fathers Who Want To Be Good Fathers
by Akili Kumasi
ISBN #: 0-9626035-5-4 – ISBN-13: 978-0-9626035-5-6
Too many children grow up in father-absent families because of divorces, separations, and births to un-wed parents. Many have higher risks for academic, social and psychological problems. Pro-active fathers make a positive difference.
On the Outside Looking In encourages separated-fathers to step-to-the-plate with their children while:
- challenging them to be good fathers in spite of being separated from their children
- helping men become better parents
On the Outside Looking In will help separated-fathers:
- make relationships with their children work
- gain cooperation from their children?s mother
- obtain resources for help with starting over
- break the cycles of hopelessness
- See Table of Contents Below
Purchase a copy of
On The Outside Looking In
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Table of Contents – On The Outside Looking In
- Introduction
- Chapter One:
- Breaking-Up Is Hard To Do
- (The Social Phenomenon of the Separated Father)
- Chapter Two:
- Like Father ? Like Son
- (The Impact of Father-Absent Families on Children)
- Chapter Three:
- Starting All Over Again
- (Reconciling With Your Children)
- Chapter Four:
- Do The Right Thing
- (Seven Principles of Good FatherHood)
- Chapter Five:
- Some Do’s and Don?ts for
- (Creating The Right Relationship With Your Children)
- Chapter Six:
- Co-Parenting With Your Children’s Mother
- (Winning Isn’t Everything)
- Chapter Seven:
- New Beginnings
- (Dating, Marriage and Step-Parenting)
- Epilogue: The Reconciled-Father
- Appendix: Resources for the Reconciled-Father
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On The Outside Looking In
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Posted by rfathers on December 17, 2008
Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons evolved from a very special moment in our kitchen into a full blown recipe for male bonding and mentoring. One day my sons and I were in the kitchen talking. I was cooking and they were drawing and enjoying our time together. We were talking about all the special meals that I make for them. Next we started making a list and the book idea naturally flowed from there. I dictated the recipes to Asiedu and Netfa started typing them on the computer.
As we wrote down the recipes we realized that our meals are not just ?things? to eat. They are ?experiences? to have. We designed the recipes and activities with both fathers and sons in mind. The idea is to get everyone involved as much as possible in all aspects of the meals thus creating an atmosphere for sharing and learning. There?s another point here as well – and that is to just have fun – enjoying each other.
This book is intended to help the bonding process between boys and their fathers which is so important in this day and age. Helping men to be involved in their sons? lives, providing direction, being a role model, and just sharing positive male energy is our goal. There is no slight intended to daughters and mothers as all of the meals and activities can be done by – and with – mothers and daughters. But, I do have a particular interest in help fathers help their sons to also become good men. The recipes and activities in this book are also good for grandfathers, uncles, step-fathers and older brothers to bond with younger males.
All the recipes are very simple and easy to make. You don?t have to be a gourmet chef to prepare these meals. In fact, you might already know how to make some of these meals, but the point here is not always to give you something that you do not already know. We want to – in a time of need – give you some food for thought ? (sorry about the pun) – that could help you create a special activity.
Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons has two sections: the first section is a series of recipes for meals and the second is a series of activities that are centered around meals. Both sections provide recipes for fun, adventure and excitement that helps in the bonding process for boys and their fathers.
Recipes for Fathers and Sons
We suggest that the children be as involved as possible in all stages of the meal. Many recipes provide suggestions for how to get the children involved in different aspects:
- Plan the meal together (when possible). Sometimes making it a surprise is also a winner. Use the following questions as guides for planning a meal. What are you going to have? How is it going to be prepared or cooked? Who is going to do what?
- Shopping. What items are you going to need from the store? Make a list together. Go together to get the items on the list. This is a great opportunity for lessons in economics.
- Preparation and Cooking. You can get the children involved in ways that are not dangerous – especially for young children. Doing it together can bring a special level of satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.
- Eat the meals together. With some meals we have a special way of eating or serving the meal. Create your own fun ? and traditions.
- Clean-Up. This is always a joint effort!
Activities for Fathers and Sons
The activities section of the book is also very exciting. There are suggestions for numerous activities. Most of the meals are for away from home. Some are for at the home. All of them are centered around a meal but can be done with your own creativity. We do a lot of these activities as we are always making something special out of something ordinary. These activities can become your special activities and your children will look forward to them.
My sons and I worked on this book off-and-on for almost five years. We continued to add artwork, recipes and activities to our collection. We find that as we do things over and over – we change them. This is the best way to benefit from this book. Use your own ideas and creativity when trying our recipes and activities.
Your children can also learn a lot about cooking through this experience. When they get out on their own they can actually cook for themselves instead of relying on nonnutritional fast foods.
We know that many of you have your own ideas about fun meals that you already do and many of you will create new ideas as you try our recipes and activities. Send us your recipes and activities. We will publish the most unique ones in the second volume of Fun Meals. See the back section of this book for details.
Creating Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons has been quite an experience. We certainly hope you enjoy it!
Akili Kumasi, 2004
Posted by rfathers on
?For years we have known that youth learn to have good interpersonal relationships from their encounters at the dinner table in their homes. The dinner hour is one of the most important hours in a child?s life. It?s the hour that is made for listening, as well as sharing the hurts, pains, victories, and blessings of the day. It is a time for learning to communicate.?
These words of wisdom from Dr. Ed Cole?s Maximized Manhood(1) embody the spirit of this book. Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons expands on this concept and takes meals to another level.
With the meals and activities in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons dining becomes an adventure. In the process, relationships can be built and maintained.
The primary objective of being a father is the raising of your children and helping them to secure a promising future free from the entrapments that plague our society today. Your role as the male parent in their life is crucial.
The higher the level of Manhood we demand from ourselves means the higher the level of standards we impress on our sons.
The Bible says in Proverb 22:6 (NIV), ?Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.? Most parents know this principle without having to quote it. However, some of us have difficulty reaching our children. Others, who may not be having difficulty, don?t want to get to the point where they do have difficulties reaching their children.
This is why bonding and mentoring is so important. In today?s society we need to be close to our sons in a positive way so we don?t lose them to all the non-sense that?s pulling at their attention.
The activities and meals in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons can help to create the atmosphere for continuous bonding that helps insure that we will always be close to our children. With these meals and activities my sons and I have already created ?traditions? we each look forward to. We have etched good memories that can never be replaced. We?ve shared ourselves with each other in a way that lends itself to open communication.
Bonding is ever so important to the communication process. And communication is one of the most important elements in any relationship. By bonding with my sons over some silly meals I am able to tell them stories and get them in a mood where they hear me completely – and they respond with their own thoughts, feelings, insights and questions. They?ve even told me – more than once – that I should write a book about some of the things I have taught them about life.
It?s important to hug your children and laugh with them – and it?s a lot easier to do with a mouth full of roasted marshmallows or while your child is intently working at the stove over a pot of ground meat and taco mix.
There is great satisfaction when one of my sons creates a meal he wants; we design it; we shop together for the ingredients and then we fix it. The result: I?ve got a satisfied young man on my hands. He feels heard, loved and fulfilled. He has a sense of accomplishment – and so do I. Now he?s open to talk with me and listen to me because I?ve shown trust in him. Now he can trust me. I can begin mentoring on a serious level – expounding principles and ideas to his young mind. I can talk about the rigors, responsibilities and rewards of being a man. This type of Manhood Training is most effective on an informal basis – when it?s heartfelt and spontaneous.
Let?s face it – we have fathers out there that don?t have a clue and need help. We also have fathers who are doing a good job and have something they can share with others. We also have fathers who are trying their hardest and are having a very rough time. We come in all spectrums, sizes, shapes and colors. But we are all in this together because it is our sons who will be running this country in just a few short decades. What we do for them now will help determine whether they are making a positive contribution to society, living a happy life or struggling to make ends meet or stay out of jail.
Whatever your situation, most of us want our children to have better than what we had. We want to give them the benefit of our knowledge and experience. It is our job to make sure we have the type of relationship with our sons (and daughters) that affords us the opportunity to hear from them what is going on in their young lives, to know their feelings, trials, tribulations and successes – and to impart our experiential knowledge and wisdom. Having fun and food together helps in building these kinds of relationship.
This book is also a great tool for the divorced or separated father who does not live with his children. Do you know how important it is to your child that you come to pick them up, spend time with them, tell them and show them that they are special to you. Your children may not show you, or tell you, but believe me it matters a great deal. You must be consistent – and on time. How you treat your children who are separated from you is critical to the development of their self-esteem – which in turn has great impact on their lives and the decisions they make throughout their lives. Having special meals that you and your children can create together at your house is a winner for your children. It gives them something to look forward to. It can also get you off the hook if you aren?t sure what to do with them. It?s cheaper than amusement parks and means a whole lot more in the long run and the short-term.
Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons lends itself to your own creativity as well. It?s a starting point if you are not sure what to do. Get them involved. This books provides a lot of ?food for thought? (there?s that pun again) about how to get something going with them on a Saturday when you know you should be spending time with them but you don?t know what to do. Get busy. Create your own meals and your own traditions.
And fathers, after you?ve created some new memories, send us a note telling us about your successes with the meals and the moments. My sons and I will test your recipes and publish them in a new book – Volume Two of Fun Meals. Please see the announcement at the back of this book.
Show your sons (and daughters) some love openly. Give them a hug. Kiss them on the top of their head – whatever works. It?s probably no problem for you to scold them or correct them in public. Try public praise and private discipline. The more you show them love the more they will show you love. Break down that facade of machoism. Have a Fun Meal and get the ball rolling!
Akili Kumasi, 2004
_____________________________
1 Edwin Louis Cole, Maximized Manhood: A Guide to Family Survival, (Springdale, PA: Whitaker House, 1982) p. 140-41.
Posted by rfathers on December 16, 2008
Have you ever been in a grocery or discount store shopping and seen some parent struggling with their young child who might be throwing a temper tantrum? You know the scene. The child asks for something. The parent says no and the child erupts, either telling his parents no or hitting them or throws him or herself on the floor.
The parents get so embarrassed they do not know what to do. They might try bribing the child with a trip to MacDonald?s (if you obey we can go to MacD’s) or offer them some candy, or make some unreasonable promise or even threaten them with something unrealistic – all in an effort to get the child to obey. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
All of that is generally a result of a lack of discipline.
The word discipline has at least two meanings. It can mean to punish or it can mean to instruct. I believe this is why God put the concepts of training and discipline together (see below), because He wants to make it clear that He is primarily concerned with teaching and preparing.
Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 AMP)
The broader and more important aspect of discipline (teaching or preparing) should come first ? long before punishment is necessary. The more teaching and preparing we do the less punishment we have to do.
At Dictionary.com the first definition of discipline reads as follows:
Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
Again, training is the key. Children are not going to obey unless their parents teach them to obey. In the situation with the child in the story who throws a temper tantrum – the way to handle that is first through training. Before going to the store (or anywhere in public) the child has to be given proper guidelines about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. It takes time to teach to your children and requires constant repetition.
This is one of the places where parents fall short. Some parents are not inclined to work on this over the long haul. They think that if it does not work the first time or the second time then the idea is not valid. However, it takes time to teach to your children and requires constant repetition.
Also, the child has to understand that there is a consequence for inappropriate behavior. When or if inappropriate behavior comes, get down on the child?s level – on one knee (eyeball to eyeball) and remind your child through a clearly stated and unemotional warning – of what is appropriate and what is not.
The child must know that if the inappropriate behavior continues, then a consequence will follow. Give the child a firm reminder with the second warning. If the inappropriate behavior still continues, then the consequence must be given without hesitation and without emotion or anger.
This is where many parents are shy about discipline. They do not want to hurt little Johnny. Or, they do not want to deal with Johnny?s resistance or reaction. Afterall, who wants to have a crying child in the store. So this must begin at home. if done properly at home, when the parent speaks (in the store or at home) the child will obey – most of the time, or at least some of the time. Which is an improvement, so consistency will bring greater results. But, inconsistency, on the parents’ part will not bring the desired improvement.
Some parents need to realize that Johnny is engaging them in a test of wills. By you being consistent, preparing the child ahead of time and following through when necessary ? you will prevail. Your child will be trained.
Fathers, are you ready for that kind of responsibility?
This article is adapted from Fatherhood Principle #3 from the book On the Outside Looking In: Hope for Separated Fathers Who Want to Be Good Fathers
Read the article: 7 Principles of Good Fatherhood.
Reconciled Fathers Network
Akili Kumasi, Founder
