Posted by rfathers on November 30, 2009
Today Wedding Planning has become big business from flowers, wedding dresses, tuxedos, limos, DJs, bands, catering, wedding favors, venues, honeymoons, etc. etc. Almost everyone loves a good wedding. They are fun and exciting to attend. They make you cry and they make you laugh.
The sad part about weddings is not the event itself – but the aftermath. Aside from the thousands of dollars of debt that many couples accumulate for their special day, there are often pitfalls.
One of the biggest pitfalls is to spending too much time planning the wedding but very little time planning the marriage. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why half of first-time marriages end in divorce. That’s right marriages need more planning that weddings. The wedding is just one day, but the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.
Too often happy couples are not prepared for the challenges of marriage and when faced with the reality of a life-time commitment, they are un-prepared to go the distance.
If couples would take the time to plan their marriages then they would have a better opportunity to know the person they intend to marry. They would be forced to work out some issues about their like and dislikes, they goals and aspirations and their personal visions for career, children, economics and more. But more to the point, they would discuss with each other what they really want out of life and what they are willing to put into it.
When couples take the time to plan their marriages they have the opportunity to establish joint goals and work out operating principles for their marriage.
Even for couples that have been married for many years, if you do not already have a marriage plan, it is not too late to create one.
Here are some basic components of the Marriage Plan that my wife Daisy and I created before we got married. Did you have a Marriage Plan? Let us know what you think about our blueprint by commenting below.
BluePrint for a Marriage Plan and Family Mission Statement:
- Why are you getting married?
- What is your family motto?
- What is your relationship to God?
- How are you to be spiritually strengthened?
- Will you have family devotions, prayer, Bible Study? When and how often?
- What is your family plan?
- How many children do you plan to have?
- When do you plan to start and stop having children?
- What is is your financial plan?
- Are you going to tithe?
- What are each of your career goals?
- Who is going to work?
- How much income will it take to support your planned lifestyle?
- What is your education plan?
- What are each of your educational goals?
- What are the time frames?
- What is your housing plan?
- Where do you plan to live?
- What type of dwelling do you want to live in at various stages in your life?
- Do you plan to own? If yes, are you saving for a down payment?
- What is your family Ministry Plan?
- Will you work in your church?
- Will you serve the Lord in other forms?
- How will you divide the family and household responsibilities?
- Who is responsible for cleaning which rooms in the house, doing dishes, taking out the garbage etc.?
- When children come – who does what?
- Who cooks?
- What are some of your personal operating guidelines?
- How do you settle arguments?
- Do you let the sun go down on your anger?
- What do you do if you cannot agree?
- Do you know how to compromise?
- What does the Bible say about the relationship between the husband and the wife?
- How can the husband best love his wife?
- How can the wife best respect her husband?
- What questions have been left out that are important to each of you?
Posted by rfathers on November 23, 2009
In both the Old and New Testaments the Word of God makes it clear that a Godly man pays his debts. Thus, debt is a tool that can be used to help finance purchases or investments that one cannot afford out of his own cash reserves. However, as a tool or vehicle, debt should not be abused. Thus, God’s Word also makes it clear that we should not have excessive debt.
You have excessive debt when: (a) your debt is above and beyond your ability to pay it back in a timely and/or agreed upon fashion, or (b) payments take up too large of a percentage of your income which impairs your ability to pay for essentials.
In recent years when the housing market was booming many people financed homes that they could not afford. Thus, homes were lost and credit ratings were ruined when the bubble burst. Un-wise consumers do the same with buying cars, and running up credit cards bills and in maintaining lifestyles beyond their income levels.
God’s Word tells us:
Keep out of debt and owe no man anything, except to love one another … - Romans 13:8 AMP
How Excessive Debt Can Cripple Your Family Life
- Excessive Debt can rob you of your joy. Not being able to pay your bills can be stressful when trying to make ends meet. The stress robs you of your joy when you cannot handle your payments. When you lose your joy, you play with your children less and you are less patient with your wife. Excessive debt can also hamper your ability to do fun things. Recreation is an important part of life and if you do not have “extra” money, you cannot afford to do those fun things you once took for granted. Going out for dinner or a movie can become a thing of the past. It is no fun watching others enjoy themselves when you are not able to enjoy yourself because of your poor financial judgment.
- Excessive Debt can limit your ability to provide for the essentials. Struggling for money to buy groceries and other household necessities (or even having to make choices between what you need and what you can afford) can result from not having enough money to live off of and service your debt payments. This means everyone has to do with less because of being saddle with excessive debt.
- Excessive Debt can eliminate the possibility of owning or maintaining a house. As mentioned earlier, many people in the U.S. lost their homes because of un-wise buying decisions and their inability to maintain an excessive mortgage payment. Others have not been able to ever buy a home because of poor financial management, poor credit rating, and excessive debt burdens. It is so much better to be able to play with your children in the “play room” or backyard than it is to not have either.
- Excessive Debt can make it impossible to have new clothes and toys. Too often people have used credit to finance their wardrobe and thus have excessive credit card balances and can only pay the minimum payments. When they max-out or lose those cards then their ability to purchase new clothes for themselves and their children – and toys, piano and dance lessons, etc. – is seriously impaired. Shopping for “things” can become an addiction – be careful, or you too could be trapped into this buying with credit obsession.
- Excessive Debt means lost opportunities. When you owe too much money, you will often have to pass on an attractive opportunity for an investment or purchase when it comes along. That means you cannot buy into a business or purchase a home or car at the right price because too much of your money is going toward servicing debt rather than building up saving and equity. Thus, you are not prepared when opportunity knocks. Additionally, with excessive debt also comes the necessity to work extra hours or an extra job to help pay the bills – which means less time for your family.
- Excessive Debt can hostage your future. Debt accumulates interest faster and at deeper rates than most investments and savings. Nonetheless, it is more fun to watch your assets grow than to watch your debt burden grow. Your future is at risk if you practice poor financial principles or are in poor financial health. You will spend too heavy a percentage of your future income on debt payments and accumulated interest. Thus, you will be able to spend less on your children’s future (including college, weddings, birthday gifts, etc.) because you have to pay for your past.
- Excessive Debt can prevent you from serving God. Instead of being free to serve God and give or yourself, you might have to spend too much time chasing money to pay your bills. We should see excessive debt as a tool of the enemy. The devil wants us in debt so we will be crippled in our families and in our ministries. Don’t fall prey to the schemes of the devil, practice sound and Godly financial principles.
This short entry on crippling excessive debt is by no means a complete analysis on the subject. However, it is meant to give some food for thought.
We will write more on this subject in the future.
Print a copy of this article: Excessive Debt
What are some other ways the Excessive Debt can potentially cripple family life? Tells us by commenting on this post.
Have questions or disagree – if you do – let us know by commenting on this post.
Posted by rfathers on August 31, 2009
Yesterday, Sunday, I had an occasion to think about what is to sexy for church. Today, Monday, I ran across a women’s blog that was discussing that same subject. Christianity Today’s Kyria.com.
In the blog they were discussing how women should dress in church and some of the personal experiences of the writers in their attempt to dress appropriately. Here’s the comment I made on that blog:
I would like to offer a man’s perspective on your second question, “In what ways does clothing distract you from focusing on God?” I am sure my point of view is not the only male perspective, but nonetheless here it is. Since I got saved about 15 years ago, I have sought to sit as close to the front of the church as possible to help me to focus on God and to not get distracted by women in the church. It is not that I attend church where women are scantily dressed. It is quite the contrary. Most women dress conservatively. However, no manner of dress can stop a man’s mind from wandering (See Stephen Arterburn’s book, Every Man’s Battle). Only the man’s focus on God can do that. My conclusion is this: because of the presentation of women’s bodies in the “world” especially in the media and advertising, men have to really stay focused on God (and their purpose in life) to avoid temptation. Sometimes it is not easy to stay focused on God when a half-naked woman appears in front of you in living color. I’ll tell you that it is enough to face that battle outside of church. I don’t want to face that battle inside of church. So therefore, my suggestion to women (from a man who wants to stay focused on God) is to use the Apostle’s Paul encouragement to “… to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly…” (1 Timothy 2:8-10, NASB)
What do you think on this issue? Can you be distracted from your focus on God in church? Please leave your comment below.
By the way, Christianity Today has a free newsletter and a host of articles in their Marriage Partnership website. Check it out. They have a lot of valuable resources.
For men who need help staying on the straight and narrow path of focusing on God and not be distracted by the presentation of “worldly women” here are a few other resources. I have found the Every Man’s Battle book series to be very helpful and informative. Every Christian man should arm himself with a least one of these weapons.
Posted by rfathers on July 13, 2009
Right before Father’s Day this year I attended a special men’s meeting at my church where the movie FLYWHEEL was shown. I was awe struck by this penetrating story of God working in the life of the main character, Jay Austin. I immediately brought copies of the movie to show to our Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group and to give as gifts.
FLYWHEEL is a great movie and I highly recommend it for everyone. It’s a man’s movie – but it is also a family movie – and it is a woman’s movie. It has comedy, romance, drama, suspense, cars, and much more for the whole family. It is a clean movie, one that adults AND children can watch.
Since my wife and I don’t generally go to the movie theatre – we rent movies and watch them in the comfort of our home on our own TV – with our own popcorn, bathroom and remote control – this movie is great for our family entertainment.
See the trailer for this movie below.
I absolutely guarantee that you will be grateful to the movie makers for having made this movie. If you have not seen it – go get a copy now!
FLYWHEEL is the first movie produced by Sherwood Pictures, the movie-making ministry of a Georgia church. FLYWHEEL was written by the Kendrick brothers, Stephen and Alex. “We decided as a church to step out on faith and produce a full-length feature film,” says Alex Kendrick, who also portrays the main character in the movie.
The Director’s Cut also has added bonus features including an eight-part Bible study…all on just one disc! This was the first of their three movies by Sherwood Pictures: Flywheel
, Facing the Giants
and Fireproof
.
Flywheel – Movie Trailer
| FLYWHEEL
|
FACING THE GIANTS
|
FIREPROOF
|
3-PACK
|
Posted by rfathers on June 18, 2009
Today I’d like to just give everyone a heads-up on a great book for men The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, by Patrick Morley. We are currently using this book in our Joseph The Carpenter Focus Group.
Although this book was written many years ago (1989), it is as relevant today as it was 20 years ago. From reading this book, the men in our group have had to really take stock of ourselves in terms of our walk with God, our purpose in life, our service to God, and our relationships with our spouses.
Here’s a quote on the book from Amazon.com:
This powerful book invites men to take a probing look at their identities, relationships, finances, time, temperament, and integrity, and then directs them to take the first time step toward lasting change.
The author, Patrick Morley also has a number of other books developed around the Man in the Mirror theme. You can visit his website at ManInTheMirror.org.
I strongly recommend the Man In the Mirror books for those who want to improve and maintain their relationship with God. As of this writing copies are available as low as one cent each – plus shipping.
Posted by rfathers on June 16, 2009
Joseph the Carpenter is a Great Role-Model for 21st Century Fatherhood. But, he is also a role model for women as his Godly life can be emulated by anyone who wants to get closer to God. Below are Seven Immediate Benefits for women who read the book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.
- Biblical Historical Purposes: Everyone can learn from the life of Joseph the Carpenter as he was one of the most important people in Jesus’ life and in God’s Plan for Salvation.
- Apply the Principles: Women can apply the principles illuminated in the book in their personal lives and in their spiritual walk.
- Lift Your Own Personal and Spiritual Standards: By using the example of Joseph the Carpenter, women will be encouraged to raise their own levels and be better in Christ.
- Gain Self-Respect in Relationships: Women can learn what Godly men should be like so that they will not settle for less. They will know how they should be treated by men. As the men improve women will also be propelled to improve.
- Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands: Wives can help their husbands follow Joseph example and become Godly men, husbands and fathers. Wives can encourage their husbands to be effective Godly leaders in the family.
- Mothers Can Help Prepare Their Sons: By knowing what God expects of Godly men, husbands and fathers – mothers can help prepare their sons to live up to that Godly standard.
- Study Guide for Women’s Groups: This book is good for discussion groups as it helps everyone dig deeper into the Bible and is an effective Bible Study tool.
Please see our website for addition information on the Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter. www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com
Print this post as a 1-page pdf 7 Immediate Benefits for Women Who Read Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter
Posted by rfathers on May 30, 2009
Every man should know about the Five Languages of Love.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman teaches couples how to speak and how to understand their mate’s love languages.
Those five languages are:
- words of affirmation: telling her how much you appreciate her and what she does, expressing gratitude for well she does something, compliments on her hair or clothes, and especially telling her how you feel about her;
- quality time: focusing your time and energy on her and also on her needs, communication (with eye contact), sharing feelings, thoughts and experiences; listening (not solving problems – but listening);
- receiving gifts: giving gifts as a expression of love and appreciation (within your budget of course), including the gift of self and time;
- acts of services: chores done out of love not obligation, from the simple and necessary chores to the special chores specifically for your mate, know what our mate likes or you could be speaking the wrong language (i.e. washing the car will not be appreciated if your mate wants the dishes done); and
- physical touch: more than just sexual intercourse is important to most people, physical closeness is appreciated in various ways, know what you your mate likes and where and what is important to her, know how she does not like to be touched so that you will not be irritating to her.
Do you know your mate’s love languages, how she speaks them or how she likes to receive them?
Do you know your own way of speaking and how you like to receive?
Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, (Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing, 1995).
Gary’s book and his website can be great tools for developing your abilities in this area. (See www.FiveLoveLanguages.com)
Or you can get a copy right here:
Posted by rfathers on May 15, 2009
Well, the books are finally available and we are giving them away at huge discounts. This was a one-and-a-half year project to research, write and critique this book with a focus group – then – over the last three months I have worked on nothing but finishing re-writing this book, getting it formatted and printed. But now, the 178 page paperback book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter: Examples of Godly Fatherhood is available at: www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com.
Joseph the Carpenter was a great man of faith and is a perfect role-model for 21st century fathers, one that is sorely needed at this time when fatherhood has been under attack and divorce amongst Christians is as prevalent as non-Christians.
What Role Did Joseph Have in Jesus’ Life?
As the earthly father to Jesus Christ, Joseph was a Godly man, a man of character, a loving husband, a family man, a teacher, a provider and a protector. In short, Joseph was a purpose-driven servant of God.
What Is the Book All About?
Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter is a challenging and exciting new motivational book for Fathers with ground-breaking analysis of the scant scriptures on this Great Man of Faith. It helps men gain a heightened understanding of Joseph’s history and education. It brings to life how he taught and coached the boy Jesus (like Eli did for Samuel). It presents eye-opening accounts of the Jewish background for many Biblical scenes. It provides seven uplifting principles that fathers and husbands can implement right now.
Who Wrote the Book?
The author, Akili Kumasi, attends church in Queens, New York. He is a devoted father of two young men and two daughters, a former college instructor and the author/editor of twelve books including four fatherhood books. Akili is the founder of the Reconciled Fathers Network, a ministry that helps separated-fathers become good and Godly parents (www.rFathers.Net).
Print a free copy of Chapter One
How Can You Get More Information?
Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter is available now at www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com. Wholesale distribution is available at: Get Wholesale Prices.
Posted by rfathers on February 13, 2009
Below is a draft list for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups. Please make suggestions for other books that can be included.
Initially, a Focus Group would read the first book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.
Second, one book (choosen by the group) from each of the remaining categories (2 through 9) would be read – in order.
Third, after completion of the one book from each category, the group would start again with another book from each of the categories. This would continue for three rounds, until all the books have been read and discussed in the focus group.
Fourth, we will be adding more material as we continue to develop the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.
Thank you.
Akili Kumasi
Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group Book List
- Joseph the Carpenter
- Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter, Akili Kumasi
- Be A Godly Man
- Maximized Manhood, Edwin Louis Cole
- Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes
- The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, Patrick Morley
- Be A Man of Character
- No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You to Be, Tony Evans
- Every Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
- The Character of a Man: Reflecting the Image of Jesus, Bruce Marchiano
- Be a Loving Husband
- An Outrageous Commitment, Ron Elmore
- Communication, Sex and Money, Edwin Louis Cole
- Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman
- Be a Family Man
- Straight Talk to Men: Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family, James Dobson
- Developing a Servant’s Heart, Charles F. Stanley
- Accountable to God: Biblical Stewardship, Mike Whitmore
- Be a Teacher
- The Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson
- Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World, Vicki Courtney
- Fathers & Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones, David Barrett & Elysse Barrett
- Be a Provider
- Knowing the Economy of God, Thomas Meaglia
- Personal Finances, Larry Burkett
- Money Life Basics-Marriage & Children, Crown Financial Ministries
- Be a Protector
- Blessing of A Father, Randy Brown
- The Power of a Praying Parent, Stormie Omartian
- Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture, Mark Gregston
- The Purpose Driven Father
- The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren
- Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, Myles Munroe
- Husbands & Fathers: Rediscover the Creator’s Purpose for Men, Derek Prince
Print a copy of the book list: Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group book List.
See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area. Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.
Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.
Akili Kumasi
rFathers.Net
Posted by rfathers on January 31, 2009
Somehow this website appeared on my computer Joel and Kathy – GodSavedMyMarriage.com. No kidding, I walked away from doing some work on my computer to do the dishes.
After finishing the dishes and talking with my wife, I came back to my computer to find Joel and Kathy’s website on the screen (honestly). (It must have come up when i was rumbling around my desk looking for something. in any event, it was God’s doing.)
Anyway, I looked through their website to see what they are about and wow, what a discovery! A great looking family with a tremendous set of testimonies from readers of their books.
In their own words, this is what Joel and Kathy are about:
“If your marriage has been ravaged by adultery, porn, other marital problems, divorce, emotional abuse, mental abuse or verbal abuse, then allow Joel and Kathy Davisson to help you!
Joel was a Pastor in 1991 when he got into an affair. He then continued to abuse Kathy with spiritual abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Joel’s infidelity and continuing abuse almost caused a divorce.
In 1994, Joel and Kathy attended a week of training at Life Skills International with Dr. Paul Hegstrom. There they learned that Joel was an abusive husband. Their marriage restoration began immediately.
In 2004, after ten years of living an extraordinarily happy marriage, God led the Davisson’s to write The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!
Now, through this marriage ministry, Joel and Kathy help couples with every type of marriage problems, such as: recovery from porn addiction, adultery, abuse and help for a myriad of other marital problems.
The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His Ministry includes marriage training opportunities?and?marriage support.
This marital support includes marriage seminars, their signature Weekend Marriage Intensive, phone marriage counseling and personal marriage mentoring. The Weekend Marriage Intensive is a combination of marriage retreat, divorce prevention and a Marriage Workshop.
The Weekend Marriage Intensive Marriage Retreats conducted by Joel and Kathy have brought about remarriage after divorce, rekindling of romantic love, adultery recovery and recovery from every other kind of unfaithfulness in marriage.
Marriage coaching and couples coaching is available for FREE on Joel and Kathy’s online marriage forum at www.joelandkathy.com/boards/
(Copied from their website: GodSaveMyMarriage.com)
Check out their website then come back and get their books here:
The Man of Her Dreams,
The Woman of His
Vol. #1
(Best-Selling Paperback) |
The Man of Her Dreams,
The Woman of His
Vol. #2
(Livin’ It & Lovin’ It!) |
|
|
|
Reconciled Fathers Network
Akili Kumasi, Founder
