Do You Have A Marriage Plan?

Posted by rfathers on November 30, 2009

Today Wedding Planning has become big business from flowers, wedding dresses, tuxedos, limos, DJs, bands, catering, wedding favors, venues, honeymoons, etc. etc. Almost everyone loves a good wedding. They are fun and exciting to attend. They make you cry and they make you laugh.

The sad part about weddings is not the event itself – but the aftermath. Aside from the thousands of dollars of debt that many couples accumulate for their special day, there are often pitfalls.

One of the biggest pitfalls is to spending too much time planning the wedding but very little time planning the marriage. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why half of first-time marriages end in divorce. That’s right marriages need more planning that weddings. The wedding is just one day, but the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.

Too often happy couples are not prepared for the challenges of marriage and when faced with the reality of a life-time commitment, they are un-prepared to go the distance.

If couples would take the time to plan their marriages then they would have a better opportunity to know the person they intend to marry. They would be forced to work out some issues about their like and dislikes, they goals and aspirations and their personal visions for career, children, economics and more. But more to the point, they would discuss with each other what they really want out of life and what they are willing to put into it.

When couples take the time to plan their marriages they have the opportunity to establish joint goals and work out operating principles for their marriage.

Even for couples that have been married for many years, if you do not already have a marriage plan, it is not too late to create one.

Here are some basic components of the Marriage Plan that my wife Daisy and I created before we got married. Did you have a Marriage Plan? Let us know what you think about our blueprint by commenting below.

BluePrint for a Marriage Plan and Family Mission Statement:

1. Why are you getting married?
2. What is your family motto?
3. What is your relationship to God?
   1. How are you to be spiritually strengthened?
   2. Will you have family devotions, prayer, Bible Study? When and how often?
4. What is your family plan?
   1. How many children do you plan to have?
   2. When do you plan to start and stop having children?
5. What is is your financial plan?
   1. Are you going to tithe?
   2. What are each of your career goals?
   3. Who is going to work?
   4. How much income will it take to support your planned lifestyle?
6. What is your education plan?
   1. What are each of your educational goals?
   2. What are the time frames?
7. What is your housing plan?
   1. Where do you plan to live?
   2. What type of dwelling do you want to live in at various stages in your life?
   3. Do you plan to own? If yes, are you saving for a down payment?
8. What is your family Ministry Plan?
   1. Will you work in your church?
   2. Will you serve the Lord in other forms?
9. How will you divide the family and household responsibilities?
   1. Who is responsible for cleaning which rooms in the house, doing dishes, taking out the garbage etc.?
   2. When children come – who does what?
   3. Who cooks?
10. What are some of your personal operating guidelines?
    1. How do you settle arguments?
    2. Do you let the sun go down on your anger?
    3. What do you do if you cannot agree?
    4. Do you know how to compromise?
11. What does the Bible say about the relationship between the husband and the wife?
    1. How can the husband best love his wife?
    2. How can the wife best respect her husband?
12. What questions have been left out that are important to each of you?

Too Sexy For Church

Posted by rfathers on August 31, 2009

Yesterday, Sunday, I had an occasion to think about what is to sexy for church. Today, Monday, I ran across a women’s blog that was discussing that same subject. Christianity Today’s Kyria.com.

In the blog they were discussing how women should dress in church and some of the personal experiences of the writers in their attempt to dress appropriately.  Here’s the comment I made on that blog:

I would like to offer a man’s perspective on your second question, “In what ways does clothing distract you from focusing on God?”  I am sure my point of view is not the only male perspective, but nonetheless here it is.  Since I got saved about 15 years ago, I have sought to sit as close to the front of the church as possible to help me to focus on God and to not get distracted by women in the church.  It is not that I attend church where women are scantily dressed.  It is quite the contrary.  Most women dress conservatively.  However, no manner of dress can stop a man’s mind from wandering (See Stephen Arterburn’s book, Every Man’s Battle).  Only the man’s focus on God can do that.  My conclusion is this: because of the presentation of women’s bodies in the “world” especially in the media and advertising, men have to really stay focused on God (and their purpose in life) to avoid temptation.  Sometimes it is not easy to stay focused on God when a half-naked woman appears in front of you in living color.  I’ll tell you that it is enough to face that battle outside of church.  I don’t want to face that battle inside of church.  So therefore, my suggestion to women (from a man who wants to stay focused on God) is to use the Apostle’s Paul encouragement to “… to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly…” (1 Timothy 2:8-10, NASB)

What do you think on this issue? Can you be distracted from your focus on God in church? Please leave your comment below.

By the way, Christianity Today has a free newsletter and a host of articles in their Marriage Partnership website. Check it out. They have a lot of valuable resources.

For men who need help staying on the straight and narrow path of focusing on God and not be distracted by the presentation of “worldly women” here are a few other resources. I have found the Every Man’s Battle book series to be very helpful and informative. Every Christian man should arm himself with a least one of these weapons.

Flywheel – Great Movie

Posted by rfathers on July 13, 2009

Right before Father’s Day this year I attended a special men’s meeting at my church where the movie FLYWHEEL was shown.  I was awe struck by this penetrating story of God working in the life of the main character, Jay Austin.  I immediately brought copies of the movie to show to our Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group and to give as gifts.

FLYWHEEL is a great movie and I highly recommend it for everyone.  It’s a man’s movie – but it is also a family movie – and it is a woman’s movie.  It has comedy, romance, drama, suspense, cars, and much more for the whole family.  It is a clean movie, one that adults AND children can watch.

Since my wife and I don’t generally go to the movie theatre – we rent movies and watch them in the comfort of our home on our own TV – with our own popcorn, bathroom and remote control – this movie is great for our family entertainment.

See the trailer for this movie below.

I absolutely guarantee that you will be grateful to the movie makers for having made this movie.  If you have not seen it – go get a copy now!

FLYWHEEL is the first movie produced by Sherwood Pictures, the movie-making ministry of a Georgia church. FLYWHEEL was written by the Kendrick brothers, Stephen and Alex.  “We decided as a church to step out on faith and produce a full-length feature film,” says Alex Kendrick, who also portrays the main character in the movie.

The Director’s Cut also has added bonus features including an eight-part Bible study…all on just one disc!  This was the first of their three movies by Sherwood Pictures: Flywheel, Facing the Giants and Fireproof.

Flywheel – Movie Trailer

The Five Languages of Love

Posted by rfathers on May 30, 2009

Every man should know about the Five Languages of Love.

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman teaches couples how to speak and how to understand their mate’s love languages.

Those five languages are:

1. words of affirmation: telling her how much you appreciate her and what she does, expressing gratitude for well she does something, compliments on her hair or clothes, and especially telling her how you feel about her;
2. quality time: focusing your time and energy on her and also on her needs, communication (with eye contact), sharing feelings, thoughts and experiences; listening (not solving problems – but listening);
3. receiving gifts: giving gifts as a expression of love and appreciation (within your budget of course), including the gift of self and time;
4. acts of services: chores done out of love not obligation, from the simple and necessary chores to the special chores specifically for your mate, know what our mate likes or you could be speaking the wrong language (i.e. washing the car will not be appreciated if your mate wants the dishes done); and
5. physical touch: more than just sexual intercourse is important to most people, physical closeness is appreciated in various ways, know what you your mate likes and where and what is important to her, know how she does not like to be touched so that you will not be irritating to her.

Do you know your mate’s love languages, how she speaks them or how she likes to receive them?

Do you know your own way of speaking and how you like to receive?

Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, (Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing, 1995).

Gary’s book and his website can be great tools for developing your abilities in this area. (See www.FiveLoveLanguages.com)

Or you can get a copy right here:

Book List for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups

Posted by rfathers on February 13, 2009

Below is a draft list for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups. Please make suggestions for other books that can be included.

Initially, a Focus Group would read the first book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.

Second, one book (choosen by the group) from each of the remaining categories (2 through 9) would be read – in order.

Third, after completion of the one book from each category, the group would start again with another book from each of the categories. This would continue for three rounds, until all the books have been read and discussed in the focus group.

Fourth, we will be adding more material as we continue to develop the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.

Thank you.

Akili Kumasi

Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group Book List

1. Joseph the Carpenter
   1. Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter, Akili Kumasi
2. Be A Godly Man
   1. Maximized Manhood, Edwin Louis Cole
   2. Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes
   3. The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, Patrick Morley
3. Be A Man of Character
   1. No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You to Be, Tony Evans
   2. Every Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
   3. The Character of a Man: Reflecting the Image of Jesus, Bruce Marchiano
4. Be a Loving Husband
   1. An Outrageous Commitment, Ron Elmore
   2. Communication, Sex and Money, Edwin Louis Cole
   3. Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman
5. Be a Family Man
   1. Straight Talk to Men: Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family, James Dobson
   2. Developing a Servant’s Heart, Charles F. Stanley
   3. Accountable to God: Biblical Stewardship, Mike Whitmore
6. Be a Teacher
   1. The Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson
   2. Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World, Vicki Courtney
   3. Fathers & Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones, David Barrett & Elysse Barrett
7. Be a Provider
   1. Knowing the Economy of God, Thomas Meaglia
   2. Personal Finances, Larry Burkett
   3. Money Life Basics-Marriage & Children, Crown Financial Ministries
8. Be a Protector
   1. Blessing of A Father, Randy Brown
   2. The Power of a Praying Parent, Stormie Omartian
   3. Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture, Mark Gregston
9. The Purpose Driven Father
   1. The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren
   2. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, Myles Munroe
   3. Husbands & Fathers: Rediscover the Creator’s Purpose for Men, Derek Prince

Print a copy of the book list: Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group book List.

See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area. Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.

Akili Kumasi
rFathers.Net

The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His

Posted by rfathers on January 31, 2009

Somehow this website appeared on my computer Joel and Kathy – GodSavedMyMarriage.com. No kidding, I walked away from doing some work on my computer to do the dishes.

After finishing the dishes and talking with my wife, I came back to my computer to find Joel and Kathy’s website on the screen (honestly). (It must have come up when i was rumbling around my desk looking for something. in any event, it was God’s doing.)

Anyway, I looked through their website to see what they are about and wow, what a discovery! A great looking family with a tremendous set of testimonies from readers of their books.

In their own words, this is what Joel and Kathy are about:

“If your marriage has been ravaged by adultery, porn, other marital problems, divorce, emotional abuse, mental abuse or verbal abuse, then allow Joel and Kathy Davisson to help you!

Joel was a Pastor in 1991 when he got into an affair. He then continued to abuse Kathy with spiritual abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Joel’s infidelity and continuing abuse almost caused a divorce.

In 1994, Joel and Kathy attended a week of training at Life Skills International with Dr. Paul Hegstrom. There they learned that Joel was an abusive husband. Their marriage restoration began immediately.

In 2004, after ten years of living an extraordinarily happy marriage, God led the Davisson’s to write The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!

Now, through this marriage ministry, Joel and Kathy help couples with every type of marriage problems, such as: recovery from porn addiction, adultery, abuse and help for a myriad of other marital problems.

The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His Ministry includes marriage training opportunities?and?marriage support.

This marital support includes marriage seminars, their signature Weekend Marriage Intensive, phone marriage counseling and personal marriage mentoring. The Weekend Marriage Intensive is a combination of marriage retreat, divorce prevention and a Marriage Workshop.

The Weekend Marriage Intensive Marriage Retreats conducted by Joel and Kathy have brought about remarriage after divorce, rekindling of romantic love, adultery recovery and recovery from every other kind of unfaithfulness in marriage.

Marriage coaching and couples coaching is available for FREE on Joel and Kathy’s online marriage forum at www.joelandkathy.com/boards/

(Copied from their website: GodSaveMyMarriage.com)

Check out their website then come back and get their books here:

25 Characteristics of Husbands Who Love Their Wives

Posted by rfathers on January 23, 2009

Today, I received a great e-mail from All Pro Dad titled Husbands Who Love Their Wives. It featured a list by Dr. Robert Lewis of 25 thought provoking items. Here are the first seven:

1. Includes his wife in envisioning the future.
2. Accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.
3. Is willing to say “I’m sorry” and “Forgive me” to his family.
4. Discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed.
5. Seeks consultation from his wife on all major financing decisions.
6. Follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.
7. Anticipates the different stages his children will pass through.

To see the entire list on their website – go to: All Pro Dad – Dr. Robert Lewis list of 25.

Print List: List of 25 Characteristics of Husbands Who Love Their Wives

The more I read the All Pro Dad newsletter, the more impressed I am with their quality content and sound advise. Visit their website at: All Pro Dad.