What Mothers Say About Fathers

Posted by rfathers on January 14, 2010

This morning I received my regular e-mail newsletter from the National Fatherhood Initiative. I noticed a big ad on their website announcing the release of the first-ever national survey taking an in-depth look at how today’s mothers view fathers and fatherhood.

The 36-page report, Mama Says: A National Survey of Mothers’ Attitudes on Fathering (as well as other smaller summaries), is available on their website (National Fatherhood Initiative).

Below are the Top 14 Findings of the report, copied from this website: Top 14 Findings.

Top 14 Findings – What do moms really think?

1. 93% of moms believe there is a father absence crisis.
2. Most moms think dad is replaceable.
3. Married and cohabiting moms were happier with dads’ performance than moms not living with dad.
4. Married moms believe more in the power of marriage to help dad be the best he can be than moms who are cohabitating or separated from dad.
5. Dads of young children got better marks than dads of teens.
6. Closeness to children and work-family balance were the biggest predictors of mom’s satisfaction with dad (after living arrangement).
7. Most moms said they could do a better job of work-family balance if dad provided more help.
8. Moms said that “work responsibilities” were the biggest obstacle to dad’s success in fathering.
9. Strong religious values are beneficial to helping dads be better fathers.
10. Moms think communities of faith are the top place for dads to get fathering help.
11. Nonresident dads think they’re doing a better job than the moms who co-parent with them think they are.
12. African-American moms weren’t as happy as white or other minority moms, but most of the difference can be explained by living situation or family structure.
13. New romantic relationship for dads equals less happy moms.
14. Moms who aren’t living with the father of their children identified more and stronger obstacles to his ability to parent.

I am truly grateful to the National Fatherhood Initiative for putting this report together. I invite all of my readers to take a look at this report and the many others on fatherhood that are available on the National Fatherhood Initiative website.

We will definitely discuss this list in our next Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group Meeting (JCFG).

Please let us know what you think about the list of the Top 14 Findings by commenting below.

Thank you.
Akili

God’s Call for a New Generation of Fighting Men

Posted by rfathers on December 8, 2009

God has impressed on me that He is calling for a new generation of fighting men to face the current challenges of the twentieth-first century.

This statement raises several obvious questions such as:

1. What is a generation of fighting men?
2. Why is God calling for a new generation of fighting men for today?
3. What are the characteristics of this new generation of fighting men?

What is a generation of fighting men?

Fourteen months after Israel’s Exodus from the confines of slavery in Egypt, a census showed that there were 603,550 men who were 20 years old or more and could serve in Israel’s army (Number 1:44-46). Twelve of these men were chosen (one of the leading men from each of the 12 tribes) to explore the land of milk and honey that God had promised to Israel. Upon their return after 40 days of spying the land, 10 of the men gave an evil report that characterized the inhabitants as unconquerable giants. Although the land was plentiful and inviting, the 10 spies spread fear that caused most of Israel to long for a return to Egypt.

Only Joshua and Caleb believed in God’s power to deliver the land into Israel’s hands. The whole assembly of Israel wanted to stone Joshua and Caleb. God intervened and threatened to immediately destroy all of the men of Israel. This was the generation of fighting men that God said could not enter the Promised Land and had to die in the dessert (Number 14:29-30). It was not until the last of these men was gone that God told Moses to prepare the people to enter the land of milk and honey.

Thirty-eight years passed from the time we left Kadesh Barnea until we crossed the Zered Valley. By then, that entire generation of fighting men had perished from the camp, as the LORD had sworn to them. The LORD’s hand was against them until he had completely eliminated them from the camp.

Now when the last of these fighting men among the people had died, the LORD said to me, “Today you are to pass by the region of Moab at Ar.
Deuteronomy 2:14-18 NIV

In the next post we will discuss why God is calling for a new generation of fighting men for today.

Please comment on today’s post below. Do you agree with this call?

Do You Have A Marriage Plan?

Posted by rfathers on November 30, 2009

Today Wedding Planning has become big business from flowers, wedding dresses, tuxedos, limos, DJs, bands, catering, wedding favors, venues, honeymoons, etc. etc. Almost everyone loves a good wedding. They are fun and exciting to attend. They make you cry and they make you laugh.

The sad part about weddings is not the event itself – but the aftermath. Aside from the thousands of dollars of debt that many couples accumulate for their special day, there are often pitfalls.

One of the biggest pitfalls is to spending too much time planning the wedding but very little time planning the marriage. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why half of first-time marriages end in divorce. That’s right marriages need more planning that weddings. The wedding is just one day, but the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.

Too often happy couples are not prepared for the challenges of marriage and when faced with the reality of a life-time commitment, they are un-prepared to go the distance.

If couples would take the time to plan their marriages then they would have a better opportunity to know the person they intend to marry. They would be forced to work out some issues about their like and dislikes, they goals and aspirations and their personal visions for career, children, economics and more. But more to the point, they would discuss with each other what they really want out of life and what they are willing to put into it.

When couples take the time to plan their marriages they have the opportunity to establish joint goals and work out operating principles for their marriage.

Even for couples that have been married for many years, if you do not already have a marriage plan, it is not too late to create one.

Here are some basic components of the Marriage Plan that my wife Daisy and I created before we got married. Did you have a Marriage Plan? Let us know what you think about our blueprint by commenting below.

BluePrint for a Marriage Plan and Family Mission Statement:

1. Why are you getting married?
2. What is your family motto?
3. What is your relationship to God?
   1. How are you to be spiritually strengthened?
   2. Will you have family devotions, prayer, Bible Study? When and how often?
4. What is your family plan?
   1. How many children do you plan to have?
   2. When do you plan to start and stop having children?
5. What is is your financial plan?
   1. Are you going to tithe?
   2. What are each of your career goals?
   3. Who is going to work?
   4. How much income will it take to support your planned lifestyle?
6. What is your education plan?
   1. What are each of your educational goals?
   2. What are the time frames?
7. What is your housing plan?
   1. Where do you plan to live?
   2. What type of dwelling do you want to live in at various stages in your life?
   3. Do you plan to own? If yes, are you saving for a down payment?
8. What is your family Ministry Plan?
   1. Will you work in your church?
   2. Will you serve the Lord in other forms?
9. How will you divide the family and household responsibilities?
   1. Who is responsible for cleaning which rooms in the house, doing dishes, taking out the garbage etc.?
   2. When children come – who does what?
   3. Who cooks?
10. What are some of your personal operating guidelines?
    1. How do you settle arguments?
    2. Do you let the sun go down on your anger?
    3. What do you do if you cannot agree?
    4. Do you know how to compromise?
11. What does the Bible say about the relationship between the husband and the wife?
    1. How can the husband best love his wife?
    2. How can the wife best respect her husband?
12. What questions have been left out that are important to each of you?

Get a FREE Copy of “Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons”

Posted by rfathers on August 28, 2009

Help yourself to a free copy of the book that my two sons and I wrote some years ago, Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons: Recipes and Activities for Bonding and Mentoring. 

You will enjoy the two sections of the book: recipes and activities.  Everything is centered around a meal and creates the opportunity for fathers to bond with and to mentor their children.

To get a free copy of this e-book just sign-up right here:

Introduction

Article: The Importance of Bonding and Mentoring

Cooking and Eating Utensils

Fun Meals Recipes

Breakfast Recipes
RailRoad Eggs
Eggs and Cheese on Toast
Grilled Cornbread Muffins and Syrup
Waffles and Bacon Sandwich
Chicken and Waffles
Bacon, Tator Tots and Ketchup
French Toast

Lunch Recipes
Daddy Dogs
Chili Cheese Dogs
Egg Salad and Cheez-Its
Tuna and Crackers
Hot Dogs, Crackers and Cheese
Leftover Turkey and Crackers
Netfa?s Platter
Pretzels and Soup
The Hero
Turkey, Lettuce, Cheese and Potato Chip Sandwich
The Twists

Dinner Recipes
Mess ?em Up Jax
Fried Chicken Sandwich
Asiedu?s Finger Foods
Buffalo Wings
Lumpy Burgers
Chicken Wings
Uncle Siasa?s Grilled Chicken Sandwich – with Pickles
Mexican Tacos
HomeMake Pizza
Pizza Dogs

Outdoor Dishes
Grilled Hamburgers
Yellow Chicken
Roasted Marshmallows
Hanger HotDogs

Drinks
AGC Fizz
OJ and 7-Up
HomeMade Lemonade
Fruit Punch and Lemonade
Grape Juice and Orange Juice
Chocolate Explosion

Bread and Potatoes
Garlic and Cheese Bread
Cheese Toast
Bacon and Cheese Bread
Tator Tots
Silver Dollar French Fries
Boiled Potatoes Creations

Salads
Fruit Salad
Busy Salad

Desserts and Snacks
Kid Pops
Popcorn and Orange Juice
Cookies and Ice Cream
RootBeer Float
Strawberry ShortCake
Brownies and Whipped Cream

Fun Meals Activities
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Picnic at Work
Deck Sandwich
Back Yard Dinner
Midnight Snack
Rubber Target
Fast Food
Slow Food
PanCakes
I Scream, You Scream
Pizza, Pizza
Bike Ride
Tour Boat Lunch
Have Lunch, Will Travel
Park It Here
Mountain High
Take a Hike
Tent City
Fish Sandwich
At the Mall
No Talking in the Library
Sky King
Live Chicken Dinner
Breakfast at the Beach
Let?s Go to the Movie

To get a free copy of this e-book just sign-up right here:

Get a copy of the paperback version of
Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons for only $2.95. 

Flywheel – Great Movie

Posted by rfathers on July 13, 2009

Right before Father’s Day this year I attended a special men’s meeting at my church where the movie FLYWHEEL was shown.  I was awe struck by this penetrating story of God working in the life of the main character, Jay Austin.  I immediately brought copies of the movie to show to our Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group and to give as gifts.

FLYWHEEL is a great movie and I highly recommend it for everyone.  It’s a man’s movie – but it is also a family movie – and it is a woman’s movie.  It has comedy, romance, drama, suspense, cars, and much more for the whole family.  It is a clean movie, one that adults AND children can watch.

Since my wife and I don’t generally go to the movie theatre – we rent movies and watch them in the comfort of our home on our own TV – with our own popcorn, bathroom and remote control – this movie is great for our family entertainment.

See the trailer for this movie below.

I absolutely guarantee that you will be grateful to the movie makers for having made this movie.  If you have not seen it – go get a copy now!

FLYWHEEL is the first movie produced by Sherwood Pictures, the movie-making ministry of a Georgia church. FLYWHEEL was written by the Kendrick brothers, Stephen and Alex.  “We decided as a church to step out on faith and produce a full-length feature film,” says Alex Kendrick, who also portrays the main character in the movie.

The Director’s Cut also has added bonus features including an eight-part Bible study…all on just one disc!  This was the first of their three movies by Sherwood Pictures: Flywheel, Facing the Giants and Fireproof.

Flywheel – Movie Trailer

7 Immediate Benefits for Women Who Read Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter

Posted by rfathers on June 16, 2009

Joseph the Carpenter is a Great Role-Model for 21st Century Fatherhood. But, he is also a role model for women as his Godly life can be emulated by anyone who wants to get closer to God. Below are Seven Immediate Benefits for women who read the book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.

1. Biblical Historical Purposes: Everyone can learn from the life of Joseph the Carpenter as he was one of the most important people in Jesus’ life and in God’s Plan for Salvation.
2. Apply the Principles: Women can apply the principles illuminated in the book in their personal lives and in their spiritual walk.
3. Lift Your Own Personal and Spiritual Standards: By using the example of Joseph the Carpenter, women will be encouraged to raise their own levels and be better in Christ.
4. Gain Self-Respect in Relationships: Women can learn what Godly men should be like so that they will not settle for less. They will know how they should be treated by men. As the men improve women will also be propelled to improve.
5. Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands: Wives can help their husbands follow Joseph example and become Godly men, husbands and fathers. Wives can encourage their husbands to be effective Godly leaders in the family.
6. Mothers Can Help Prepare Their Sons: By knowing what God expects of Godly men, husbands and fathers – mothers can help prepare their sons to live up to that Godly standard.
7. Study Guide for Women’s Groups: This book is good for discussion groups as it helps everyone dig deeper into the Bible and is an effective Bible Study tool.

Please see our website for addition information on the Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter. www.JosephTheCarpenterBook.com

Print this post as a 1-page pdf 7 Immediate Benefits for Women Who Read Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter

The Five Languages of Love

Posted by rfathers on May 30, 2009

Every man should know about the Five Languages of Love.

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman teaches couples how to speak and how to understand their mate’s love languages.

Those five languages are:

1. words of affirmation: telling her how much you appreciate her and what she does, expressing gratitude for well she does something, compliments on her hair or clothes, and especially telling her how you feel about her;
2. quality time: focusing your time and energy on her and also on her needs, communication (with eye contact), sharing feelings, thoughts and experiences; listening (not solving problems – but listening);
3. receiving gifts: giving gifts as a expression of love and appreciation (within your budget of course), including the gift of self and time;
4. acts of services: chores done out of love not obligation, from the simple and necessary chores to the special chores specifically for your mate, know what our mate likes or you could be speaking the wrong language (i.e. washing the car will not be appreciated if your mate wants the dishes done); and
5. physical touch: more than just sexual intercourse is important to most people, physical closeness is appreciated in various ways, know what you your mate likes and where and what is important to her, know how she does not like to be touched so that you will not be irritating to her.

Do you know your mate’s love languages, how she speaks them or how she likes to receive them?

Do you know your own way of speaking and how you like to receive?

Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, (Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing, 1995).

Gary’s book and his website can be great tools for developing your abilities in this area. (See www.FiveLoveLanguages.com)

Or you can get a copy right here:

Take Time To Be A Dad – from the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse

Posted by rfathers on February 19, 2009

On January 5, 2009 we posted an article “Take Time for Your Children” See article.

Today we want to share two 30-second commericals from the U.S. Government’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse’s “Take Time to Be a Dad” campaign.

These commericals speak for themselves.

	Cheer Leader A grandmother watches as a father is rehearsing cheerleading routines with his daughter.
	Super Soaker We observe a father and his young son engaged in a serious “super soaker” battle.

For more information on the U.S. Government’s National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse’s, which is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families Office of Family Assistance.

NRFC – Home page

NRFC – Tips for Absence Fathers

NRFC – Tips for Parents

NRFC – Fatherhood Statistics

Book List for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups

Posted by rfathers on February 13, 2009

Below is a draft list for the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups. Please make suggestions for other books that can be included.

Initially, a Focus Group would read the first book, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.

Second, one book (choosen by the group) from each of the remaining categories (2 through 9) would be read – in order.

Third, after completion of the one book from each category, the group would start again with another book from each of the categories. This would continue for three rounds, until all the books have been read and discussed in the focus group.

Fourth, we will be adding more material as we continue to develop the Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.

Thank you.

Akili Kumasi

Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group Book List

1. Joseph the Carpenter
   1. Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter, Akili Kumasi
2. Be A Godly Man
   1. Maximized Manhood, Edwin Louis Cole
   2. Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes
   3. The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face, Patrick Morley
3. Be A Man of Character
   1. No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You to Be, Tony Evans
   2. Every Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
   3. The Character of a Man: Reflecting the Image of Jesus, Bruce Marchiano
4. Be a Loving Husband
   1. An Outrageous Commitment, Ron Elmore
   2. Communication, Sex and Money, Edwin Louis Cole
   3. Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman
5. Be a Family Man
   1. Straight Talk to Men: Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family, James Dobson
   2. Developing a Servant’s Heart, Charles F. Stanley
   3. Accountable to God: Biblical Stewardship, Mike Whitmore
6. Be a Teacher
   1. The Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson
   2. Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World, Vicki Courtney
   3. Fathers & Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones, David Barrett & Elysse Barrett
7. Be a Provider
   1. Knowing the Economy of God, Thomas Meaglia
   2. Personal Finances, Larry Burkett
   3. Money Life Basics-Marriage & Children, Crown Financial Ministries
8. Be a Protector
   1. Blessing of A Father, Randy Brown
   2. The Power of a Praying Parent, Stormie Omartian
   3. Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture, Mark Gregston
9. The Purpose Driven Father
   1. The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren
   2. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, Myles Munroe
   3. Husbands & Fathers: Rediscover the Creator’s Purpose for Men, Derek Prince

Print a copy of the book list: Joseph the Carpenter Focus Group book List.

See how the groups are organized and how to start a Focus Group in your area. Joseph the Carpenter Focus Groups.

Please make your suggestions for the book list and give us any comments or questions below.

Akili Kumasi
rFathers.Net

Fun Meals – The Importance of Bonding and Mentoring

Posted by rfathers on December 17, 2008

?For years we have known that youth learn to have good interpersonal relationships from their encounters at the dinner table in their homes. The dinner hour is one of the most important hours in a child?s life. It?s the hour that is made for listening, as well as sharing the hurts, pains, victories, and blessings of the day. It is a time for learning to communicate.?

These words of wisdom from Dr. Ed Cole?s Maximized Manhood⁽¹⁾ embody the spirit of this book. Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons expands on this concept and takes meals to another level.

With the meals and activities in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons dining becomes an adventure. In the process, relationships can be built and maintained.

The primary objective of being a father is the raising of your children and helping them to secure a promising future free from the entrapments that plague our society today. Your role as the male parent in their life is crucial.

The higher the level of Manhood we demand from ourselves means the higher the level of standards we impress on our sons.

The Bible says in Proverb 22:6 (NIV), ?Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.? Most parents know this principle without having to quote it. However, some of us have difficulty reaching our children. Others, who may not be having difficulty, don?t want to get to the point where they do have difficulties reaching their children.

This is why bonding and mentoring is so important. In today?s society we need to be close to our sons in a positive way so we don?t lose them to all the non-sense that?s pulling at their attention.

The activities and meals in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons can help to create the atmosphere for continuous bonding that helps insure that we will always be close to our children. With these meals and activities my sons and I have already created ?traditions? we each look forward to. We have etched good memories that can never be replaced. We?ve shared ourselves with each other in a way that lends itself to open communication.

Bonding is ever so important to the communication process. And communication is one of the most important elements in any relationship. By bonding with my sons over some silly meals I am able to tell them stories and get them in a mood where they hear me completely – and they respond with their own thoughts, feelings, insights and questions. They?ve even told me – more than once – that I should write a book about some of the things I have taught them about life.

It?s important to hug your children and laugh with them – and it?s a lot easier to do with a mouth full of roasted marshmallows or while your child is intently working at the stove over a pot of ground meat and taco mix.

There is great satisfaction when one of my sons creates a meal he wants; we design it; we shop together for the ingredients and then we fix it. The result: I?ve got a satisfied young man on my hands. He feels heard, loved and fulfilled. He has a sense of accomplishment – and so do I. Now he?s open to talk with me and listen to me because I?ve shown trust in him. Now he can trust me. I can begin mentoring on a serious level – expounding principles and ideas to his young mind. I can talk about the rigors, responsibilities and rewards of being a man. This type of Manhood Training is most effective on an informal basis – when it?s heartfelt and spontaneous.

Let?s face it – we have fathers out there that don?t have a clue and need help. We also have fathers who are doing a good job and have something they can share with others. We also have fathers who are trying their hardest and are having a very rough time. We come in all spectrums, sizes, shapes and colors. But we are all in this together because it is our sons who will be running this country in just a few short decades. What we do for them now will help determine whether they are making a positive contribution to society, living a happy life or struggling to make ends meet or stay out of jail.

Whatever your situation, most of us want our children to have better than what we had. We want to give them the benefit of our knowledge and experience. It is our job to make sure we have the type of relationship with our sons (and daughters) that affords us the opportunity to hear from them what is going on in their young lives, to know their feelings, trials, tribulations and successes – and to impart our experiential knowledge and wisdom. Having fun and food together helps in building these kinds of relationship.

This book is also a great tool for the divorced or separated father who does not live with his children. Do you know how important it is to your child that you come to pick them up, spend time with them, tell them and show them that they are special to you. Your children may not show you, or tell you, but believe me it matters a great deal. You must be consistent – and on time. How you treat your children who are separated from you is critical to the development of their self-esteem – which in turn has great impact on their lives and the decisions they make throughout their lives. Having special meals that you and your children can create together at your house is a winner for your children. It gives them something to look forward to. It can also get you off the hook if you aren?t sure what to do with them. It?s cheaper than amusement parks and means a whole lot more in the long run and the short-term.

Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons lends itself to your own creativity as well. It?s a starting point if you are not sure what to do. Get them involved. This books provides a lot of ?food for thought? (there?s that pun again) about how to get something going with them on a Saturday when you know you should be spending time with them but you don?t know what to do. Get busy. Create your own meals and your own traditions.

And fathers, after you?ve created some new memories, send us a note telling us about your successes with the meals and the moments. My sons and I will test your recipes and publish them in a new book – Volume Two of Fun Meals. Please see the announcement at the back of this book.

Show your sons (and daughters) some love openly. Give them a hug. Kiss them on the top of their head – whatever works. It?s probably no problem for you to scold them or correct them in public. Try public praise and private discipline. The more you show them love the more they will show you love. Break down that facade of machoism. Have a Fun Meal and get the ball rolling!

Akili Kumasi, 2004
_____________________________
¹ Edwin Louis Cole, Maximized Manhood: A Guide to Family Survival, (Springdale, PA: Whitaker House, 1982) p. 140-41.