Article – No

Learning the Meaning of “No”

Have you ever been in a grocery or discount store shopping and seen some parent struggling with their young child who might be throwing a temper tantrum? You know the scene. The child asks for something. The parent says no and the child erupts, either telling his parents no or hitting them or throws him or herself on the floor.

The parents get so embarrassed they do not know what to do. They might try bribing the child with a trip to MacDonald?s (if you obey we can go to MacD’s) or offer them some candy, or make some unreasonable promise or even threaten them with something unrealistic – all in an effort to get the child to obey. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

All of that is generally a result of a lack of discipline.

The word discipline has at least two meanings. It can mean to punish or it can mean to instruct. I believe this is why God put the concepts of training and discipline together (see below), because He wants to make it clear that He is primarily concerned with teaching and preparing.

Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 AMP)

The broader and more important aspect of discipline (teaching or preparing) should come first ? long before punishment is necessary. The more teaching and preparing we do the less punishment we have to do.

At Dictionary.com the first definition of discipline reads as follows:

Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

Again, training is the key. Children are not going to obey unless their parents teach them to obey. In the situation with the child in the story who throws a temper tantrum – the way to handle that is first through training. Before going to the store (or anywhere in public) the child has to be given proper guidelines about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. It takes time to teach to your children and requires constant repetition.

This is one of the places where parents fall short. Some parents are not inclined to work on this over the long haul. They think that if it does not work the first time or the second time then the idea is not valid. However, it takes time to teach to your children and requires constant repetition.

Also, the child has to understand that there is a consequence for inappropriate behavior. When or if inappropriate behavior comes, get down on the child?s level – on one knee (eyeball to eyeball) and remind your child through a clearly stated and unemotional warning – of what is appropriate and what is not.

The child must know that if the inappropriate behavior continues, then a consequence will follow. Give the child a firm reminder with the second warning. If the inappropriate behavior still continues, then the consequence must be given without hesitation and without emotion or anger.

This is where many parents are shy about discipline. They do not want to hurt little Johnny. Or, they do not want to deal with Johnny?s resistance or reaction. Afterall, who wants to have a crying child in the store. So this must begin at home. if done properly at home, when the parent speaks (in the store or at home) the child will obey – most of the time, or at least some of the time. Which is an improvement, so consistency will bring greater results. But, inconsistency, on the parents’ part will not bring the desired improvement.

Some parents need to realize that Johnny is engaging them in a test of wills. By you being consistent, preparing the child ahead of time and following through when necessary ? you will prevail. Your child will be trained.

Fathers, are you ready for that kind of responsibility?

This article is adapted from Fatherhood Principle #3 from the book On the Outside Looking In: Hope for Separated Fathers Who Want to Be Good Fathers – On the Outside Looking In

Read the article: 7 Principles of Good Fatherhood.