Fun Meals – The Importance of Bonding and Mentoring

Posted by rfathers on December 17, 2008

?For years we have known that youth learn to have good interpersonal relationships from their encounters at the dinner table in their homes. The dinner hour is one of the most important hours in a child?s life. It?s the hour that is made for listening, as well as sharing the hurts, pains, victories, and blessings of the day. It is a time for learning to communicate.?

These words of wisdom from Dr. Ed Cole?s Maximized Manhood⁽¹⁾ embody the spirit of this book. Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons expands on this concept and takes meals to another level.

With the meals and activities in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons dining becomes an adventure. In the process, relationships can be built and maintained.

The primary objective of being a father is the raising of your children and helping them to secure a promising future free from the entrapments that plague our society today. Your role as the male parent in their life is crucial.

The higher the level of Manhood we demand from ourselves means the higher the level of standards we impress on our sons.

The Bible says in Proverb 22:6 (NIV), ?Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.? Most parents know this principle without having to quote it. However, some of us have difficulty reaching our children. Others, who may not be having difficulty, don?t want to get to the point where they do have difficulties reaching their children.

This is why bonding and mentoring is so important. In today?s society we need to be close to our sons in a positive way so we don?t lose them to all the non-sense that?s pulling at their attention.

The activities and meals in Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons can help to create the atmosphere for continuous bonding that helps insure that we will always be close to our children. With these meals and activities my sons and I have already created ?traditions? we each look forward to. We have etched good memories that can never be replaced. We?ve shared ourselves with each other in a way that lends itself to open communication.

Bonding is ever so important to the communication process. And communication is one of the most important elements in any relationship. By bonding with my sons over some silly meals I am able to tell them stories and get them in a mood where they hear me completely – and they respond with their own thoughts, feelings, insights and questions. They?ve even told me – more than once – that I should write a book about some of the things I have taught them about life.

It?s important to hug your children and laugh with them – and it?s a lot easier to do with a mouth full of roasted marshmallows or while your child is intently working at the stove over a pot of ground meat and taco mix.

There is great satisfaction when one of my sons creates a meal he wants; we design it; we shop together for the ingredients and then we fix it. The result: I?ve got a satisfied young man on my hands. He feels heard, loved and fulfilled. He has a sense of accomplishment – and so do I. Now he?s open to talk with me and listen to me because I?ve shown trust in him. Now he can trust me. I can begin mentoring on a serious level – expounding principles and ideas to his young mind. I can talk about the rigors, responsibilities and rewards of being a man. This type of Manhood Training is most effective on an informal basis – when it?s heartfelt and spontaneous.

Let?s face it – we have fathers out there that don?t have a clue and need help. We also have fathers who are doing a good job and have something they can share with others. We also have fathers who are trying their hardest and are having a very rough time. We come in all spectrums, sizes, shapes and colors. But we are all in this together because it is our sons who will be running this country in just a few short decades. What we do for them now will help determine whether they are making a positive contribution to society, living a happy life or struggling to make ends meet or stay out of jail.

Whatever your situation, most of us want our children to have better than what we had. We want to give them the benefit of our knowledge and experience. It is our job to make sure we have the type of relationship with our sons (and daughters) that affords us the opportunity to hear from them what is going on in their young lives, to know their feelings, trials, tribulations and successes – and to impart our experiential knowledge and wisdom. Having fun and food together helps in building these kinds of relationship.

This book is also a great tool for the divorced or separated father who does not live with his children. Do you know how important it is to your child that you come to pick them up, spend time with them, tell them and show them that they are special to you. Your children may not show you, or tell you, but believe me it matters a great deal. You must be consistent – and on time. How you treat your children who are separated from you is critical to the development of their self-esteem – which in turn has great impact on their lives and the decisions they make throughout their lives. Having special meals that you and your children can create together at your house is a winner for your children. It gives them something to look forward to. It can also get you off the hook if you aren?t sure what to do with them. It?s cheaper than amusement parks and means a whole lot more in the long run and the short-term.

Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons lends itself to your own creativity as well. It?s a starting point if you are not sure what to do. Get them involved. This books provides a lot of ?food for thought? (there?s that pun again) about how to get something going with them on a Saturday when you know you should be spending time with them but you don?t know what to do. Get busy. Create your own meals and your own traditions.

And fathers, after you?ve created some new memories, send us a note telling us about your successes with the meals and the moments. My sons and I will test your recipes and publish them in a new book – Volume Two of Fun Meals. Please see the announcement at the back of this book.

Show your sons (and daughters) some love openly. Give them a hug. Kiss them on the top of their head – whatever works. It?s probably no problem for you to scold them or correct them in public. Try public praise and private discipline. The more you show them love the more they will show you love. Break down that facade of machoism. Have a Fun Meal and get the ball rolling!

Akili Kumasi, 2004
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¹ Edwin Louis Cole, Maximized Manhood: A Guide to Family Survival, (Springdale, PA: Whitaker House, 1982) p. 140-41.